Working with an LGBTQ+ affirmative therapist is an important priority for most potential clients who are part of the LGBTQ+ community. Imagine after taking the time and energy to self-reflect and make the decision to seek out professional help from a therapist you meet one who is decidedly *not* so “gay friendly.” Whether you are seeking a therapist for an LGBTQ+ related issue or any number of mental health issues, this scenario would all but guarantee you will never return to that therapist after your initial meeting.
There is already well-founded fear and mistrust for mental health professionals within the LGBTQ+ community because of efforts made to change sexual orientation or gender identity and the stigmatization of gay, lesbian, transgender, or nonbinary identity. In this article, I will discuss what LGBTQ+ affirmative therapy is and which qualities to look for in a provider who is LGBTQ+ affirmative.
LGBTQ+ Affirmative Therapy
You might be looking for an LGBTQ+ affirmative (affirming) therapist for issues that have nothing to do with your sexual orientation or gender identity. A lot of people who have found me often say they are simply more comfortable working with me because I am also in the LGBTQ+ community and feel less likely to be judged while in treatment. Another common reason I have heard for someone seeking an LGBTQ+ or affirming therapist is that it is easier to open up without worrying too much about educating their therapist about their identity or other cultural considerations. Whatever your reason for seeking out treatment, there are several qualifications you might look for in an affirming provider.
At this point I want to make it clear that just because a potential therapist isn’t a member of the LGBTQ+ community, that shouldn’t disqualify them outright while you are making a decision to move forward with them for treatment (or not). That being said, a sense of trust and safety can be formed more quickly because of the common ground you might share with a queer-identified therapist. An affirming therapist will hold space and acknowledge past and current struggles that this population has and still presently does experience today including discrimination, lack of community/familial support, and lack of representation.
Understanding the terms that are relevant to the lived experience of people in the LGBTQ+ community is only part of providing an experience for clients in this community. Any therapist claiming to be LGBTQ+ affirmative would be wise to have a solid understanding of how these terms “show up” in the lives of the clients they support throughout treatment. A short list of issues that LGBTQ+ affirming providers should be comfortable and competent supporting you through are listed below:
>> Understanding the differences between sexual orientation and gender identity (SOGI)
>> Understanding the importance of using appropriate terms including “assigned sex at birth” and honoring the use of a person’s personal pronouns and chosen name regardless of personal beliefs about religion, science, or grammar
>> Competence and confidence in discussing sensitive topics of sexuality including affirming the client’s lived experience with sex. To spell this out, LGBTQ+ clients should feel comfortable and unburdened to discuss sexual experiences and issues that are in line with their sexual orientation including men who have sex with men, women who have sex with women, and any other experience that may not be congruent with your own
>> Understanding the concept of heteronormativity and its relationship with minority stress, particularly those who do not identify as heterosexual
For a more detailed list of topics and questions to consider when you are interviewing a potential new therapist, check out the free cheat sheet below! All you need is an email 😉
Creating A Safe, Affirmative Space
The experience you have with your therapist across the board boils down to how good they are at creating a strong therapeutic alliance with you throughout your time together. This starts with creating a safe, affirmative space. Creating an LGBTQ+ affirmative space isn’t so different from creating a safe, welcoming space for non-LGBTQ+ clients, and it can be done on a budget.
One way I like to set up my space to indicate I am an affirming therapist is to show visual signs that I am affirmative. A few visual signs I might expect to see in another LGBTQ+ affirming therapist’s office are a rainbow flag pinned up on your wall depending on your space, books, posters, or brochures that show positive representation of the LGBTQ+ community, or, if the space permits, gender neutral signs on bathroom doors. Check out my business card below for an example of an LGBTQ+ affirmative brand.
Therapist Tip:
Another small step that I think goes a long way in creating a safe, affirmative space is taking extra care to use the correct name and pronouns that a client of mine asks me to use. This doesn’t have to be a big awkward conversation, and your new client will be grateful to have a therapist who cared enough to honor and acknowledge their existence as *they*, the client sees it.
If you misgender or use the wrong name, apologize quickly, correct yourself, and move on. Finally, you will want to take special care to ensure your client does not feel like their chosen names and personal pronouns are a burden on you to remember as if they are being picky with a lunch order. Taking responsibility to learn a client’s chosen name sends a clear message that their identity and matters to you and by extension that they mater to you.
How to Find an LGBTQ+ Affirmative Provider
Google is a great place start to narrowing down your search for an affirming provider, but it should not be the primary or last effort you make in finding a therapist that is LGBTQ+ affirmative. Using a directory like Psychology Today or TherapyDen gives you the option to narrow search results for providers in your area by certain criteria that providers indicate that they meet including “gay-allied, sex-positive/kink-allied, poly-allied, etc.” The best way people can find out more information about me as a potential provider is by looking into my bio page on this website.
If you are looking for an LGBTQ+ affirmative provider, consider reaching out and making an appointment for a free consultation. I also understand that cost can be a big barrier to finding an LGBTQ+ affirmative provider, so I invite you to check out Affirmations with Community Counseling Center for low-cost services with an LGBTQ+ affirmative provider. I have additional resources for Mental Health Links as well.
