October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. This is an important month to #TakeAStand and raise awareness that this issue still impacts countless individuals and their families by extension each year. “Take A Stand” also refers to a call to action by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence to keep attention on this issue until the number domestic violence cases in this country is zero. An alarming statistic from the NCADV’s website indicates an incident of physical abuse toward a romantic partner every 20 minutes.
This past weekend I had the pleasure of interviewing Melinda Powers, LCSW. Melinda is a colleague of mine at the same group practice, Neubauer Mental Health Services. We discussed a range of issues that play into this complex issue of domestic violence. I will share a few highlights of the interview below and include the full 37 minute post underneath. Don’t forget to like and subscribe if you enjoyed the video to help grow the audience!
What Domestic Violence IS and is NOT
Domestic violence has a single focus that drives the cycle of violence snd that is to gain power and control over an intimate partner. One concrete example of this behavior in full swing is a partner controlling what their significant other wears. This initial act of control is not far off from controlling whether or not a partner may leave the home based on if their partner’s outfit is acceptable—to the partner exerting control. These behaviors may seem obvious, but they are easily overlooked when love is involved. Survivors of domestic violence do not want the love to stop, they want the behavior to stop.
Domestic violence isn’t always clearly distinguishable by physical evidence such as visible bruises or marks left from abuse. It can be overlooked for “passionate arguments.” Another sign of a developing domestic violence dynamic is repeated belittling or manipulation. It is easier at times to make excuses for an abuser than to face the reality of the situation that doesn’t offer any clear solutions while you are in the middle of it.
A quick note on what domestic violence is NOT. As mentioned earlier, this is driven by behavior aimed and gaining power and control. There is room for gray in some cases. For example, if a relationship is recovering from an affair, a temporary concession of complete transparency may be in order to begin restoring trust. The only antidote for infidelity is rigorous honesty, and a partner can feel controlled as a result of the temporary lack of privacy. This is NOT a license to be verbally (or physically for that matter) abusive toward your partner as both will delay your progress in healing your relationship.
To find Melinda Powers, look no further than her website! Thank you for reading and watching!
