Empathy has become a buzzword that is used interchangeably with sympathy, and while these two terms are related, there are big differences in practice and the outcomes that follow. To get a good handle on how these concepts differ and how they are used, let’s take a step back and define them.
Empathy Vs Sympathy
Sympathy
Sympathy is more of an intellectual, cognitive concept that responds to a problem with understanding but without experience. An example could be trying to comfort a friend after losing a pet or close relative without having any personal experience to relate to.
Empathy
Empathy is more of an emotional, experiential concept that goes a step further than sympathy by acknowledging someone’s suffering and building an emotional connection with that person’s suffering. Empathy isn’t easy or comfortable, but being willing to sit with someone in their pain without trying fix it ultimately has a stronger impact than sympathy.
Brené Brown spells out these distinctions very well in this short video about Empathy vs Sympathy below:
Active Listening
The first step in practicing empathy is to become skilled at listening to understand as opposed to listening to respond. In other words, there is a big difference between the biological process of hearing and internalizing the messages that are communicated, which is what active listening achieves. The difference might seem subtle, but the impact is huge.
When someone confides a problem in you, it is understandable to want to rush to a solution and skip the pain of the situation, but this is not helpful to the person who is suffering. Unless someone specifically asks for solutions, it may be that what they need most from you is to sit in the muck of the problem and suffer with them in silence.
Don’t Look for a Silver Lining-
“Look on the bright side!” “At least [insert positive viewpoint here…” Both of these positive phrases are well-meaning, but ultimately they serve to minimize or distract from the pain of a situation. In doing either, the person you are trying to comfort might feel like their pain is too much for you to handle or not valid enough to hold space for it.
Additionally, comparing one person’s suffering to another is like participating in the Pain Olympics. Nobody wins, and nobody feels better.That doesn’t mean it’s not possible to use your own experiences as insight into another person’s experience, as long as the you use “I language” to indicate that you are speaking to your own experience as opposed to generalizing your experience as the norm or baseline. This strategy will convey empathy for another’s experience, and it has the added benefit of not invalidating somebody else’s.
Give This A Shot
The next time a friend shares a problem with you and you get the urge to run into “fix-it” mode, try to stay silent until they have finished speaking and prompt a response. If after they have finished speaking you are still unsure if your friend needs solutions or for you to hold space, asking a direct question like “Do you need me to help find solutions or do you need me to listen?” can provide all the clarity you need. Finally, and possibly most importantly, respect what they ask whether that is time alone, a welcome distraction, or even just sitting with them with no intentions but to be with them in their pain.
In Conclusion
Empathy has a greater impact in supporting someone through a problem than sympathy because it aims to eliminate isolation and promote connection. The next time a friend is suffering, try to practice empathy by leaning into their pain/discomfort rather than trying to solve it for them.
Want to know more about Brené Brown’s work? Check her website out!
Empathy can be practiced and improved. If you found this article helpful, consider making an appointment with the contact information at the top of the screen. Alternatively, give me a call or text at 702-530-1318 today to set up an appointment!
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